Roll Bounce

Last night after I was sexilied (for those who don't know what this term means, it is the act of being kicked out of your room by your roommate while him/her has sex with another) and before I smoked various things out of a hookah, I was forced to spend a portion of my evening in my suite's common room. The things I had for entertainment were:

1. A Nintendo DS with my R4 flashcart.
2. One Black and Mild Wine Cigarillo.
3. A bag of Nacho Cheese Combos.
4. A TV with basic cable.

I went through the first three pretty quickly. Like I said in my previous post, my attention span for video games is pretty limited right now. Black and Mild's last me five minutes at most and I probably shouldn't be smoking them anyway. And I hadn't eaten since 7 and it was 11:30 at this point, so I punished the bag of Combo's. So that left me with TV. and Since it was 11:30, so much was on. I flipped channels and I came to VH1 which was playing a documentary on the N.W.A. (aka Niggaz With Attitude). I like street life in L.A. so I settled down and watched. However, I had tuned in near the end of it, and what came on next was a movie I hardly could believe existed: Roll Bounce.

Now instead of telling you about this movie, I'm go

ing to write my interpreted script for it. As with any script we need to set up some characters. First off we have the main guy, let's call him 'Bro'. Then we have 'Interesting Girl' and then 'Hot Girl'. Other than that I don't really

remember any of the characters nor do I think that they were important. But I digress.

Bro: Hey guys I love skatin' at the local rink the music is so fresh and its perfect

Bro's Friends: Yeah!

Bro: Too bad OUR skatin' rink is closing today

LATER

Bro: Hey Dad, I'm home!

Bro's Dad: DAMMIT SON YOU'RE LATE, YOU'RE MOM'S DEAD AND I'M TOO BLACK TOO TAKE CARE OF YOUR SISTER BY MYSELF AHHHH

Bro: But Dad, the rink closed today I had to be ther...

Bro's Dad: AAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Later

Bro: I've got a paper route to pay for things now, I don't really remember this plot point being mentioned but whatever.

Neighborhood Kids: GET THAT ASSHOLE WITH WATER BALLOONS

Bro: Fuuuuuuuuuuck.

Bro gets hit by water balloons which somehow leads to him meeting Interesting Girl

Interesting Girl: Hi, I can barley skate like you can, and I'm not hot, but I am interesting.

Bro: That's nice, me and my friend's are going to the skating rink across town

Interesting Girl: Can I go?

Bro: ehhh

LATER

Interesting Girl: This rink is cool and there's white people here!

Bro: This music sucks.

Interesting Girl: AINT U EVER HEARD OF THE BEEEEEEEEGEEEEEEEEEEEs

Bro: The what?

Local Skate Crew: You guys suck and are racial minorities watch us skate dance to Pat Benetar!

We are treated to a scene of Local Skate Crew dancing to Pat Benetar

Bro: Shit that was good but we're probably better, right friends?

SILENCE

Bro: Shit.

Hot Girl: Hi, this looks like a good time to make an appearance. I'm not interesting but I am hot.

Bro: Nice!

• At this point I stopped watching because I felt like I could predict the ending. I assumed he would see through Hot Girl's ploys and go with Interesting Girl. Well I came back an hour later to this.

Bro: We sure showed up the Local Skate Team!

Bro's Friends: Yeah!

Hot Girl: Let's make out!

Bro: Okay!

Interesting Girl: I'm going to make out with this character no one has noticed before!

AND THE WORLD REFUSED TO CHANGE.